A Brief History of “Florida Man”

A Brief History of _Florida Man_Florida Man, he lives and walks among us. Less a legend and more a legendary collection of stories brought to life through social media and the internet. The life of “Florida Man” as we know him begins online as sensational news article that goes viral. So let’s take a walk through the life and times of the man, the myth and the legend. From his less than stoic beginning to the modern day internet sensation.

Florida Man Arrested for Murder After “Pocket Dialing” 911

“When Florida Man first went Viral it started with a twitter post about Scott Simon. The story took place in May of 2013 but made its first appearance on a twitter feed called “Florida Man” later that year. Simon, 24, who apparently pocket dialed 911 and discussed the plans he had to kill someone. Simon had gotten himself into an argument at a local waffle house with the victim,Nicholas Walker, 33. Walker was shot and killed on an I-95 off-ramp.

Simon was heard on the phone saying that he had planned to follow Walker home and kill him. The police, however, believe that he was the “mastermind” behind the plot but he did not actually do the killing himself.”

Florida Man Caught Picking Hallucinogenic Mushrooms With Alligator In Backpack

Rick Myers, 30, from Titusville Florida was arrested and charged with possessing an American Alligator without a permit. Myers had taken the alligator and secured it in his backpack. He later claims that he had plans to simply take a picture with himself and alligator. He had the help of another Florida Man, Gregory Sansota, 22. Rick and Greg were collecting psychedelic mushrooms in a Wildlife Management Area when they were arrested. Both men were charged with possession of psychedelic psilocybin mushrooms and removal of natural resources from a Wildlife Management Area.

Florida Man Beaten, Left Naked In Cow Pasture After First Date With Woman Named “Tree”

After hitting it off a woman named “Tree” in a convenient store, Shaun Paul Williams, 34 from Bunnell, Florida made arrangements with her to meet and have a first date. It was agreed that they would meet at the same convenience store they first fanned the flames of this relationship. When he arrived, Tree was there with two other males, one she said was her brother and the other a close friend. He went along and when a stop was made Williams took the opportunity to use the restroom. Williams claims as he exited the vehicle he was struck in the face with a blunt object. He then later woke in a cow pasture, naked, and robbed.

Florida Man Arrested For Fondling Himself At Community Pool, Blames Invisible Lesbians

Jose Portela, 79 from Boca Raton Florida was enjoying a nice swim in the community pool when he claims he saw two “twenty-something” girls making out hot and heavy poolside. He said he was so aroused by what he was seeing that he started to fondle himself. The one glaring hole in his defense was the security camera footage secured from the scene showed he was absolutely alone. He was alone in the video but apparently, some children saw what he was doing and reported him. This was not his first run-in with trouble at this community pool either, back in 2011 he was charged with touching young girls but was released of charges due to the lack of evidence.

Florida Man Arrested For Dealing Oxycodone; May Lose Job as Town’s Mayor

Barry Layne Moore, 51 from Hampton Florida is not just any resident of Hampton, he is the town mayor. So it was somewhat of a surprise that he was arrested for dealing narcotics. In an unrelated investigation, a deputy was told that Moore was dealing prescription medicines, such as oxycodone. The local sheriff’s department drug team launched an investigation. Moore was arrested and charged with possessing and distributing schedule 1 and 2 drugs. Gordon Smith the Sheriff of the presiding county released a statement, or rather a cheap shot directed at a neighboring mayor and county. “This isn’t Toronto. We will not tolerate illegal drug activity, in my jurisdiction, by anyone, to include our elected officials”

Florida Man Stops to Pay Toll While Leading Police on High-Speed Chase

In Sanford Florida, the driver of a blue Ford Mustang failed to elude police on a high-speed pursuit. A Sanford police officer tried to pull the driver over for a traffic violation. The officer lost sight of the suspect in the Mustang but his trail was picked up by a helicopter unit from the local Sheriff’s department. Once in sight, the chopper followed the car and from there the police started to organize a plan to stop the vehicle. Their plan did not include a toll booth. The suspect in a high-speed chase being followed by a helicopter stops and is assumed to have paid the toll before he continued on. The police were able to get ahead of the suspect and deploy spike strips to halt the chase.

Florida Man Uses Marijuana Plants to Beat Brother

Rodney Brown, 31 from Lakeland Florida got into a scrap with his older brother Jackie Brown, 33 inside a home the pair shared together. What started as a verbal dispute between two brothers soon went to fist-to-cuffs and the brothers found themselves in a physical altercation. During the course of the fight, Rodney decided he needed to arm himself as a means to fight his brother. He proceeded to uproot several cannabis plants, some over 3ft tall, and use them as a bludgeon to strike his brother.Since the police were called, and once they arrived Brown allowed the cops in the home. They investigated and found 10 cannabis plants and paraphernalia. Rodney Brown was arrested for domestic battery and naturally, a few drug charges were added.

Florida Man Accused of Killing Roommate Asked Siri Where to Hide the Body

Pedro Bravo, 20 of Florida was arrested on murder charges when the body of his missing roommate, Christian Aguilar was found in a shallow grave. The pair were part of a love triangle that possibly dates as far back as when the three were all in high school together. Bravo and Aguilar, now living together apparently went out shopping for a Kanye West CD when they got into an argument. Bravo claims he only beat him up, but never the less the roommate was soon missing. The day the roommate went missing Bravo used Apple’s search assistant “Siri” to suggest a location to hide his roommate. Not long after that, the flashlight function on his phone was used for several hours. It is assumed he used that as a light to bury Aguilar.

Florida Man, Caught Robbing House by Armed Homeowner, Offers to Mow Lawn if Let Go

Brian Remley, 24 from St. Petersburg, Florida was on probation for a petty theft charge when he decided to break into the wrong home. Several nights earlier the home, owned by Joseph Cihak, was burglarized so he and his wife Colleen Traversa came up with a plan for their safety, they carried a gun with them at night. So at around 04:30 in the morning when Joseph was confronted by Remley, Joseph fired 2 rounds and his weapon jammed. The terrified but unharmed Remley pleaded with the armed homeowner to release him on the provision that he would return and…mow his lawn. Remley was arrested shortly after.

Florida Man in Human-Powered Inflatable Bubble Trying to Run from FL to Bermuda is Rescued by Coast Guard

Reza Baluchi an ultramarathoner from Florida came up with a plan. He was going to run across all 190 recognized nations in the world in an attempt to bring about world peace. While he was good at running far, he was not good at planning or critical thinking. While disoriented and confused about “which way to Bermuda” it was reported to the coast guard that a man in a bubble was off the coast of Miami. The Coast Guard caught up to him and advised him of this perilous journey. They mentioned his lack of provisions and suggested he return with them. He declined and a few days later activated an emergency beacon to be picked up. Exhausted and without food and water.

Florida Man Covers Himself in Ashes, Says He’s a 400-Year-Old Indian, Crashes Stolen Car

Robert P. Pekar, 52 of Naples Florida was having a rare morning. Witnesses report that Pekar was seen running and screaming that he was in, in fact, a 400-year-old Indian. At one point he jumped in a neighbors pool and then was found sitting in a fire put rubbing ashes all over himself. When asked if he needed help, he replied he needed a ride, said “Happy New Year” and drive off in a nearby running vehicle. Pekar was caught later after crashing the car and swinning in a lake.

Drunk, Machete-Wielding Florida Man Chases Neighbor on Lawnmower

Jose Rodas Flores, 27 appeared to have had too much to drink when he decided to confront someone on a lawnmower. A man was doing yard work when he Flores motioned to him to approach. When the man went to see what Flores wanted, Flores pulled a machete out of his pants and started to chase the man. Not sure why or what was happening the man ran back to where he was doing yard work. He then mounted a riding lawn mower and reported to the police that he was able to drive away to escape. In the process of making his escape the man saw Flores make an attempt to ride a bike to give chase, but appeared to be too intoxicated to ride and fell off.

Identical Twin Florida Men Arrested After Getting in Brick Fight

Michael and James Remelius, both 52, living in Orange Country Florida got into a fight, as brothers do. Only things got ugly quick. What started as a verbal altercation soon lead to blows being laid on each other. Michael made a threat that he was going to throw a brick at his brother. So in turn James armed himself and made a similar threat. Michael decided to throw his brick at his identical twin brother, the brick struck James on his lag. Furious James hurls back with his projectile and strikes Michael in the right eye. Both men were arrested and charged for aggravated battery. Identical in nearly every way, the pair had different bails set. Michael’s was set at 20,000 while James got 25,000.

Florida Man Dressed as Pirate Arrested for Firing Musket at Passing Cars

Jamie Spering of Marathon Florida decided to try his hand at being a pirate, or at least pretend to be one from the 17th or 18th century. Dressed in full pirate costume Spering decided to meet a couple of his female companions at a local place to watch the sunset. During the course of the night, it was decided they should walk to a bridge to continue the fun. Armed with several muskets and swords, the swashbuckler decided to discharge one of his muskets into the water. He later turned and fired another in the direction of some cars. This, of course, alarmed people and the police were called. Spering was described in the police report as being “flashy” and having an “Unusual odor”

Florida Man Crashes Car into Business While Trying to Time Travel

The Driver of a Dodge Challenger in Pensacola, Florida decided to make an attempt to travel back in time. That is correct, the driver claimed that he was attempted to travel through time as he drove his vehicle into a business park destroying several local businesses. One of the offices the car drove directly into, was a tax office that was totally destroyed. A connecting wall to a casket store, was taken out by the vehicle once it drove through the tax office. No one was killed or seriously injured. The Driver was issued a citation for reckless driving and was held in the hospital for evaluation. Maybe he was trying to drive back in time before he had that idea so he could tell himself it was stupid.

Florida Man Steals a Van to Drive to Waffle House

Marcus Trae Johnson, 28, must have been a very hungry fella when he decided he wanted to visit a local waffle house. He did not let the fact that he did own a vehicle in the way of his smothered and covered hash browns when he hatched his scheme. He stole a van that had a GPS tracking device on board and the police were able to track his movements. He was seen eating at a Waffle house on security cameras within the eatery. Johnson claims he has no idea how the van got there and he said he had no memory of ever seeing or using said van. The van was parked in front of his home in the driveway when he was arrested. The clothing he was wearing while eating in the video was found inside the van.

Florida Man Attacks a Dancing Flamingo at Busch Gardens

Joseph Anthony Corrao, 45 from Tampa Florida was visiting Busch Gardens with his family. He proceeded to pick up a flamingo and soon placed it back down without incident or harm to the animal. Corrao then decided it was a good idea to do this again and picked up another flamingo. This Flamingo was named Pinky and was famous for a dancing show that it would do on news shows and staged performances. When Corrao picked up the bird he was cautioned by his mother to put the bird down, which he did. He threw the bird down with such force that its foot was nearly severed off. The bird has to be put down as a result. Corrao was charged with animal cruelty.

Florida Man Freaks Out Over Shuffleboard at Senior Citizen Center

Herbert Hayden, 81 from St. Petersburg Florida, is not a fan of losing. In fact, his dedication to winning goes so far that he became rather miffed about not doing well in a shuffleboard match at a local senior citizen center. Hayden got into an altercation with a fellow player punching him in the face and ended up striking him with his cue. The victim got a small scratch on their face but was not seriously harmed. Employees were forced to break up the fight and Hayden was arrested by the police on charges of misdemeanor battery. A judge later ruled that Hayden was not allowed to be around his victim again.

Florida Man Breaks into Home, Cooks and Eats Pizza While Inside

Antionne David, 31 of St. Petersburg, Florida made a few poor choices that evening. David decided he was going to forcibly break and enter into a home. While inside he decided to make off with whatever he could find on hand. He was able to pocket about 35 dollars in cash and some food in the middle of the night back on the night of October 17th. Of course, breaking into homes in the middle of the night does make you hungry, so before leaving the victims home David decided to nuke himself a pizza in the microwave and eat it before he left. His fingerprints were found on the microwave and pizza box in the home. David was arrested and charged accordingly.

Florida Man Wearing Bucket on Head Breaks into Store to Steal Pigeons

A religious boutique in Miami found itself the victim AGAIN of a rather interesting burglary. Back in May of 2016, they experienced a robbery that gave them the idea that maybe they needed to beef up their security grid. So they put up security cameras. So this time they were able to get an ID of the person who broke into their store. However, the person in question was ahead of the game. He had decided to place a bucket over his head and a trash bag over his shoulders. He is seen on the security camera hopping the fence and making off with thousands of dollars of pigeons. He was seen making a hasty exit, falling several times.

Florida Man Sits on Gun, Shoots Self in Penis

The owner of a Nissan Altima and apparently a handgun was treated in a hospital in Jacksonville, Florida for a gunshot wound to the penis. He was taken to the hospital by a woman who said the man entered her home after sitting in the car by himself and went into the bathroom in a panic. The weapon was in the seat of the car and the owner apparently sat down on the weapon causing it to go off. The round struck his penis and he was rushed into surgery. He had faced a prior felony conviction before so that may not go over well with him being in possession and having his penis shot up.

Florida Man Wrecks Liquor Shop Blames ‘Caterpillar’ from Alice in Wonderland

Matthew Horace Jones truly went through the looking glass when he went on a $100,000 rampage using a forklift to destroy a liquor store under construction. The Florida Man, on man demolition team, wiped out the building being constructed under very specific orders. From the Hookah smoking Caterpillar from Alice and Wonderland. When confronted by police at gunpoint he surrendered and was asked his name. To which he informed the officers that his name was “Alice in Wonderland” and that he was asked to destroy this by the before mentioned caterpillar. The caterpillar apparently wanted it gone because it did not want a place that sells alcohol being built. The Caterpillar is still wanted for questioning.

Florida Man Tries to Conceal $1,000 Cash in Rectum

Pattreon Stokes, 26 of Marion County Florida was pulled over for speeding and with him was a 7-month-old child. The deputies searched his car and found over 200 grams of Meth as well as come cocaine and other narcotics. While conducting a search incident to arrest for the possession, the officers soon found a cache of cash. However by the time they got to the jail they had noticed that the money was missing. Apparently while in transit, Stokes decided to hide his money, the only place he could. Deputies with the aid of medical personal extracted $1,009.00 from his rectum. He now faces some hefty charges, smuggling contraband into a detention facility, trafficking methamphetamine, trafficking heroin, possession of cocaine with intent to sell, manufacture or deliver.

Florida Man Calls 911 During Police Chase, Asks for Donald Trump

Aric Frydberg of Collier Counter, Florida was stopped for driving suspiciously by deputies of Collier County. When the officers approached they noticed a smell of cannabis emitting from the vehicle. One of the officers noticed a bag of cannabis, to which the driver saw and proceeded to consume the bag as he sped away. The deputies gave chase and while in pursuit Fydberg decided to call 911, to call in the heavies. He started off trying to convince them to stop chasing him because he was close personal friends with Donald Trump. Apparently, they had a deal. He later switched stories and said that his mother was involved in an accident and they were trying to stop him. He was charged with eluding arrest, battery of a law enforcement officer and possession of cannabis with paraphernalia.

Florida Man Tries to Break into Car, Arrested by Deputies Waiting Inside

A local neighborhood was victim of cars being broken into by the same person. As a result, some homeowners set up Cameras and caught a Florida Man breaking into their vehicles. The Local sheriff’s department in Pasco County Florida set up a bait car to catch the thief. The vehicle they had set up was occupied by members of a special task force called the “Strategic Targeted Area Response “. The suspect was arrested immediately upon entering a vehicle filled with deputies.

Florida Man Attempts to Cash $368B Check to Start Business

“There were many warning signs that something was wrong with the check given to a Jacksonville Bank of America teller from Mr. Waters. The check was from the U.S. Bank of Idaho and was issued in the 1990s. It was written out for $368,000,0000 in cash. Also, Mr. Waters claimed he bought the check for $100 from a homeless man.

The reason Mr. Waters wanted the cash was because he had a dream of opening up a mega underwater Italian restaurant that could serve millions of diners. Mr. Waters was charged with forgery and unlawfully carrying bath salts as well as Chinese throwing stars.”

Florida Man Asks for Death Penalty for Killing Imaginary Friend

“Geoff Gaylord related a horrible tale of murder to the Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office where he confessed to killing his imaginary friend, Mr. Happy. The Florida man asked the police to give him the death penalty. Mr. Gaylord confessed to using a kitchen knife to kill his imaginary friend, before cutting and burying the body, because Mr. Happy wrecked his Nissan Altima after celebrating the invisible friend’s birthday at Hooters. Mr. Gaylord was arrested for drunk driving during that incident.

The police officers booked Mr. Gaylord on multiple charges after obtaining a search warrant for his home, where they found drug paraphernalia as well as a machine gun.”

Florida Man Cheated on Diet by Breaking into a Burger King and Drinking Frying Oil

“For Romero Carter, he just couldn’t take eating anymore tofu or raw vegetables on the forced diet that his wife placed him on. So at 2 a.m., the 510lb man waited for his wife to fall asleep before breaking into the local Burger King.

The Miami police were called to the scene where they discovered Mr. Carter had drank over 25 gallons of used cooking oil out of the deep fryers. The 41-year-old man was arrested and charged with criminal trespass, burglary, criminal mischief and unlawful taking. Mr. Carter faces 35 years in jail, yet he has offered to pay Burger King for all damages.”

A Florida Man Became Hospitalized After Attempting to Share a Kiss with Water Moccasin

“Not every snake makes a great kissing partner. The 18-year-old Austin Hatfield discovered this when attempting to kiss a water moccasin at his Wimauma home. After finding the water moccasin, the Florida man kept it in his pillow for several days.

Friends of Mr. Hatfield claimed that he would occasionally take out the snake and kiss it. On this occasion, the water moccasin jumped and bit him on the mouth.

Water moccasins are considered very dangerous. The man was transported to Tampa General hospital in critical condition. Mr. Hatfield could possibly face charges of illegally capturing and keeping the water moccasin without having a permit.”

Contact: media@kairelaw.com